Monday, July 20, 2015

Keeping A "Side Chick" Is Both Wrong And Expensive

Before I get underway, let me first apologize to the women reading this for using the urban word for mistress, Side Chick, in this post's headline and the rest of this article.  It is not meant to be demeaning to women, I assure you.  Now onto some real talk here at CCM blog...the only financial literacy blog around that touches on societal issues tearing down urban communities.

Hip-hop and rap do no justice to the loyal man, the one who has been faithful to his girlfriend or wife throughout their relationship as a couple.  Lyrics instead glorify the player, the man with multiple women sex partners.  I have to admit, Def Jam's How to Be A Player (1997) made me want to be just like Bill Bellamy's character, Drayton Jackson.  I was in college at the time.  Smart, but stupid.

Infidelity has been around forever, obviously, but in our modern era, being unfaithful to a lover has about as much negative stigma as stomping on a spider in public.  It seems as if people are more concerned with helping friends keep their extra-relationship affairs on hush, or as we'd say in the hood, the "down-low."  It's sad to see also that there are women out there willing to be a side-chick, almost as if they were competing for medals or something.  Take a look at this infographic: How to be a Side Chick.  There are actual steps!  This other article here helps women out: 10 Signs You're A Side Chick.

For eons, many (but not all) religions have attempted to keep men's desires at bay with moral penalty for violating the sanctity of couple-hood and marriage.  It works for God-fearing people, sometimes.  What about people who are not religious?  They couldn't care any less about being immoral.  They may consider sexually transmitted diseases, unintended pregnancy, and/or the "drama" that comes with the territory, as the only reasons to stay away from venturing out of their current love relationship with another person.  And yet this is still not enough.

I'm here to provide you men with a strong case for staying loyal: money.  Back in college, like most college males, I had a few, "hit and runs," so to speak.  These left me physically satisfied, but not spiritually.  They also left me damn near unable to pay my bills.  I had fun, but I also spent a lot of money, taking girls on dates.  With a steady girlfriend, you can actually discuss your finances, and determine how to both save money while in a relationship.

There are a ton of memes like this, ridiculing women mostly for being a side chick.  Makes a joke out of a serious issue.

My days of being Casanova ended right after college.  I got married.  I've shared on this blog about my getting divorced on multiple occasions.  What I haven't shared is how bad things were toward the latter months of my marriage.

I was considering cheating on my wife, getting on websites I shouldn't have been on, looking at get what I mean.  This was a low-point in my life.  Thankfully, I never actually began an extra-marital affair with a woman, choosing instead to file for divorce.  I look back at this time period in my life with pride.  I was able to keep my integrity as a man, and do what was best for me without compromising my (older, wiser man) ethical and moral standards.  If you're in a situation that is similar, friend, I suggest you stay strong.  Give couples' counseling a go.  If this doesn't work, then don't prolong the agony and don't try to make lemonade out of lemons in this case.

After my divorce I went back on the prowl, so to speak.  I took to bad dating habits, courting more than one girl at a time.  I had a nice $100K income, working as a school administrator, and thought...I can afford to be a player this time around.  Indeed, I could easily afford courting multiple women at a time.  I had rented out rooms in my home to fill-in the income stream left vacant by my ex-wife, and I had modified my home loan.  Truth be told, I was simply compensating.  I was unleashing the inner pain from this set-back (my divorce) onto the world, in a misguided attempt to heal the wound.  I was also spending too much.

Drinks are expensive at the club!  Filling-up on gas constantly is another expense.  Restaurant outings as a means of getting into a girl's pants also add up.  I know what you're thinking...Carlos, you gotta find the ones that pay for you, my man.  No thanks!  I'm not attracted to women with low self-esteem.

Now my committed gentlemen...I have a question for you?  Why do you need a side chick?  A) Is it because your main girl isn't fulfilling your needs?  Or is it B) Because you are truly non-committal, enjoy the feminine body, and made a mistake hooking up?

If you answered A and have a side chick, how is keeping one going for you?  Are you hiding your credit card and bank statements from your partner so she can't trace the money?  It's hard these days to keep money on the d.l.  Women can be like forensic accountants!  They can pick up your smart phone when you're not in the room and click on your banking apps.  Not to mention, your email inbox is also a tap away.  Having password protection is a dead giveaway, partner.  Stop your playing around.  Redeem and stop diminishing yourself, if not for your morality, do it for your wallet at least.

If you answered B, have the courage to break-up with your main girl.  Find women from here on out that are like you, non-committal, and don't play with feelings.  Prepare for a life of always courting, spending money as needed to score the next touchdown.  Making impressions on multiple first dates throughout your solo adventure will cost you a pretty penny.  I sincerely hope you are a multi-millionaire.

Men...the two most frequent things on our mind are sex and money.  So next time you think about the prospect of having sex with someone not your main, quickly flip the script and think about your money.  How much will it cost you monetarily to engage in these affairs?  I may not be able to sway you with morality and ethics, but perhaps will have better luck doing so painting a picture of the greenback in your mind when the illusion of another conquest hits ya.  Think with your money, not your...

C-los out!  Thanks for reading.  Don't forget to subscribe if you enjoyed this post and want more financial literacy my way.           

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